The Thing I have Become
by phix27
Summary: This is a songfic, using Release the Demons by Godsmack.  Writen for the Songfic contest on The Hideaway.  SCARY!  You have been warned!  Well, I think it's scary....


Disclaimer: I own nothing. Harry Potter is owned by the great J.K.Rowling and the song is Releasing the Demons by Godsmack.

**The Thing I have Become**

By: phix27

The change was painful at first. Muscles growing, bones crunching into shape. They said it gets easier over time. But he'd been doing this for what seemed like centuries. Maybe it _had_ been centuries, the time passed without marking. Whatever the case, it was still painful. But the pleasure was great when it was over.

The change is complete. He stands up, muscles rippling in power. Head thrown back, he howls in pleasure. In calling. They come to him, shadows in the darkness. _Demons…_

They take off, running on all fours. They're quick, much quicker then something natural. They pass the old place he used to go to school. It's a ruin now, a graveyard for lost and forgotten souls. Even after all this time, the pain is still there. But time heals all wounds… but how long until then, he wonders?

There is shifting in the backround. The things are getting restless. They are hungry, he knows. So is he. But they can only come out once every ten years, so why not make the best of it?

**What do you see in the dark when the demons come for you? **

**If only you could have seen how fucked up my life used to be; **

**then everything starts to change,**

**supposedly healing my pain.**

They go to the city, ready to feed. They have a hunger. A hunger so strong, it consumes them until there is only hunger. And a need. A need to satisfy the hunger. But the only way to do that is to kill.

Sticking to the shadow, the things split. Each to find his own food. He goes down Main Street, smelling the air for blood. Food. Humans. He catches a smell of human. _Woman._ It smells of flowers, happiness and sunshine. Things he can't have anymore.

Eye's flashing red, he runs toward the female, drooling for the taste of blood down his throat. Her flesh, soft and fragile under his teeth. The hunger consumes him. Skidding around a corner, he sees her.

He stops. She doesn't know he's there and keeps looking in the shop windows. She looks so… _familiar_. He shakes his head, not understanding why she wasn't dead yet. Why he hadn't killed her. For a moment, the hunger was gone. And he almost felt alive again.

He was scared. What was this? He tried to shake it off and just attack her, but he couldn't. So he turned, running off to find some other victim. Away from the brown eyed, bushy haired, buck toothed old woman. Who smelled of things he could have anymore.

**I never thought I'd feel this way. I never thought that I'd see the day I'd run away from anything or anywhere or anyone.**

He has feed. Belly protruding out far beyond the usual stick-thin stomach. The hunger is satisfied, for now. He has had enough to last for a year at most. But there would be nine other before he could feed again.

He howls out, in calling of the demons. They come like shadows, taking all light and happiness out of the air, if there ever was any. They are like him, bellies full of food. Hunger sated.

He used to hate them, once. Hated himself for being like them, being a demon. He was angry at the world. Why did he have to be the one for this, the leader of the pack?

But now, he feels no emotions. Feels no happiness, sadness, anger or hate. _Nothing._ There is an empty void where his soul should be. If something like him could have a soul.

**Its all these demons haunting me, **

**it's all these little things trapped inside of me, releasing me from all my sin. **

**Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate,**

**to learn how my life came together. **

**Releasing the demons again.**

They are home again. Time for rest. The pack spilt, going to there homes. Or the closest thing they could call homes.

He changes back; to the form he should always keep. Black fur changes to skin, and becomes a mess of black hair. The bones shift position, giving him the form of a boy- no more then seventeen. Pupils in bright green eyes become human, not animalistic like in the change. But what always stayed the same was the lightning shaped scar on his forehead. A reminder of the past.

He puts off sleep as long as he could, knowing the voices will haunt him again. Just like always. Their screams of pain, hurt, anger and sadness. The sadness in him, for he could not save them. No matter how he tried.

"_HARRY! Harry, please save me! Don't let me die!" __**"How could you let him win Potter? What is wrong with you?"**__ "No please! I don't want to die…" __**DADDY!!!! Daddy, please save me!"**_

"NO!"

He sits up in his bed, black satin sheets around him. He was panting, sweating and shaking.

The last voice hurt him more then the others, though they all hurt.

"Emma," he breathes, hardly daring to say her name.

His daughter had been the light of his life, why he had kept living. Emma had been his air, his star in a dark world. In a word, she had been his obsession.

Sometimes he wondered if he had loved her at all. If she was just his drug. He had been an addict, and she had been the sweetest thing alive. Too bad she couldn't have turned like he did. Maybe she would have made this life bearable.

**And now I look through my minds eye and see where my past needs to rest. **

**It's always disturbed by these voices, that echo inside of my head. **

**Another way that I can hide, another reason to crawl inside**

**and get away from everything and everywhere and everyone. **

**NO!**

They come to him for guidance. Guidance he doesn't know how to give. But he wouldn't let them down. They meant something to him, even if he didn't know what is was.

But he would not let them down; he had already down that once in his other life. He wouldn't do it in this one.

**Its all these demons haunting me, **

**it's all these little things trapped inside of me **

**releasing me from all my sins. **

**Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate,**

**to learn how my life came together. **

**Releasing the demons...again (again).**

A young demon comes to challenge him. Foolish child, didn't he recognize power when he saw it? No… he didn't. No one challenged him and won.

But maybe he is getting stiff in his old age. No one has challenged him in a long time. The young one swipes and catches him in the stomach. His challenger laughs, a sickening sound.

His anger grows and he decides to finish this now. He does not tolerate mocking. With one well placed bite, he crushed the skull of the young one. The body is thrown to the ground, and he walks away victorious.

**Facing the days as I grow into my own, loving and hating the same. **

**And three-fold I told you it comes back with laughter, **

**over and over again.**

This life goes on. Days, weeks, months, years pass before they are let out to hunt again. It is a glorious day, hunting day. Almost a holiday, you could say. And he leads.

Belly full yet again, he calls them back. Shadows of the night, it's what they are. It's what they will always be.

And the empty void? Well, he guesses that is just something he will have to live with. If you could call this living.

**It's coming back. **

**Its taken me all of my anger, and taken me all of my hate, **

**to learn how my life came together. **

**Releasing the demons again**

Calling all demons… Time for release.


End file.
